There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sarcasm needs its own font
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
