My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
