i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
