on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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