And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
