So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
