did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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