just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you would pick up someone in the library
She announced her abortion via fbk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize