You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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