You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
