I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
pop tarts are not kleenex
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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