she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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