he thought i was a dude.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
