The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wear drunk well.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
