filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
