So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
