My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize