I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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