your parents love me but you hate me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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