You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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