Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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