Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
