fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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