I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
