where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
