Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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