Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
