Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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