i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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