I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were trust falling into bushes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
