I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We're too hungover to prance.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
