i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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