Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
