the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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