Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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