believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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