I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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