I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
