apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
