dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She's not a foreskin expert like you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
