What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
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Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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