theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
