does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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