I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
