from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
