I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
