one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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