Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
