What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you never un-have a 4some
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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