walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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