watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
