32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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