Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
