you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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