The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
