I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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