if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
