pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
