im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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