I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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