I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i've created a new STD.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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