You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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