I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
