i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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