I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
