You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
