He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
