so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
