Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
