Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
