where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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