My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
