she was so not down for the gang bang
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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