; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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