i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
