Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
