ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
