I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
