I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
