I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
