i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
