and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
