he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
