Do you still have your period?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
