I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
