We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
