I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize