he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
