dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
