Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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